


And They Lived

by spiritofthevoid



Series: The Life and Times of Marigold Potter-Lupin [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Baby Harry Potter, Depression, Desi Harry Potter, Desi Potter Family (Harry Potter), Female Harry Potter, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Indian Harry Potter, Jewish Harry Potter, Jewish Remus Lupin, POV Minerva McGonagall for the first chapter only, POV Remus Lupin, Parenthood, Pre-Hogwarts, Remus Lupin Raises Harry Potter, Suicidal Thoughts, Unconditional Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritofthevoid/pseuds/spiritofthevoid
Summary: When Lord Voldemort falls, it marks a return to life before the war for most of magical Britain. But for two individuals, their lives are irreversibly changed.In a single day, Remus Lupin loses his three closest friends, all due to the heinous acts of the man he had once loved. His world is torn to pieces, and there was nothing he could do about it. And somehow, he still had it better than his goddaughter, Marigold.With her parents gone and her remaining family complete strangers to her, Remus was all that she had left in the world. He knew that he might not be the best choice of guardian for her. But this time, he would not fail the Potters. Come hell or high water, he would do his best to raise and protect Marigold Potter.
Relationships: Lyall Lupin & Remus Lupin, Minerva McGonagall/Poppy Pomfrey, Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Remus Lupin & Other(s)
Series: The Life and Times of Marigold Potter-Lupin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663000
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter One - This House Just Ain't No Home

Minerva McGonagall knew right away that the Dursleys would be a horrible family to leave Marigold Potter with. Though Minerva had never personally interacted with the couple, she did remember Lily Potter - Evans back then - coming to her office several years ago seeking advice on how to prevent occurrences of accidental magic at home. After inquiring about Lily's motives was when Minerva first found out about Lily’s sister’s apparent hatred for all things magical. After a decade, it was possible that Petunia Dursley’s feelings toward magic had changed. But from her observations of the woman all day, not to mention the glaring fact that she wasn’t even on the will as a potential alternative guardian, Minerva had the sinking suspicion that they had not.   
  
Things only seemed to have gotten worse when Mrs. Dursley’s husband returned home. Waves of aggression rolled off of him as he stormed into his house muttering about “freaks running around the city.” It only took a few moments for Minerva to piece together that he was talking about wizards, as she herself had seen owls soaring through the sky all day after the sudden defeat of Lord Voldemort. Though she could no longer hear exactly what he said once he was inside, the constant shouting alone emerging from within number 4 Privet Drive was enough to make her uneasy. Had she been in her human form, her hand would have gone to her wand the moment he began drinking. But even in her cat form her body instinctively hunched down in an effort to gain as much momentum as possible so that she could pounce through the kitchen window if she needed to.   
  
It was only when she had sensed a familiar presence with her on the street that Minerva felt her muscles begin to relax. The second the first streetlight went out, the Hogwarts Deputy Headmistress knew that none other than Albus Dumbledore himself had joined her. And it was well past time he had joined her, as she had been stationed at this house for hours, and could only take so much more of the pointless endeavor. The only reason she still remained outside of the Dursleys’ home was to ensure that Dumbledore would not leave the poor Potter child at their doorstep without even looking back.   
  
Minerva kept her gaze on Dumbledore as he approached. Within seconds, her gaze turned to steel as she realized that Marigold was not even with Dumbledore. In her mind, a handful of curses flooded her thoughts, but all she got out was a loud meow, eliciting a chuckle from the older wizard.   
  
“ _I should have known_ ,” he muttered into the night, but not faintly enough for Minerva to not catch it. Still, she remained on the wall, waiting for Dumbledore to snuff out the remaining lights with his Deluminator before transforming. When it was sufficiently dark enough so that no one observing from inside could make out what was to happen, Dumbledore spoke again.   
  
“ _Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall_ ,” he said to her, smiling as he faced her. His smile was returned with a stern look, which was rather restrained in McGonagall’s opinion. In her mind, she was yelling at him for being so negligent of a 15-month-old, who should not have been that hard to keep track of. But if she always gave in to whatever thoughts first popped into her mind, then she wouldn’t be in the position she currently was in, and she was well aware of when a situation called for discretion. “Though I must say that you seem rather stiff, considering the circumstances. Don’t tell me that you and Poppy didn’t celebrate today. _I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here_.”   
  
Minerva sniffed at the comment, unable to completely contain her anger. Why there were so many people celebrating so soon and so, so irresponsibly was beyond her, but she had expected Dumbledore to be more sensible. Even if it were true that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had truly been defeated - and that was a big if indeed - the war would not suddenly stop. Even before the war, Poppy had been busy working to help those around Hogwarts alive. But now, there weren’t enough healers to be found anywhere on the isle. Minerva doubted that her partner would celebrate anytime soon, if at all. There were still several Death Eaters on the loose, and Merlin knows what kind of chaos they might create while they continued to evade capture. But more than that, she saw no reason to celebrate a child’s orphaning or the fact that she herself had just lost two of her friends to the whims of a madman.   
  
“There are more pressing matters at stake here, Dumbledore. Besides, I see no reason to celebrate based on mere speculations that You-Know-Who has fallen. Must I remind you that we are still technically at war right now?” Minerva asked, her eyes narrowing with each word.   
  
Dumbledore sighed but nodded after a moment. “Of course, my dear Professor, you are right. But with Voldemort fallen, can you really blame people for wanting to celebrate? Yes, Death Eaters are still at large, but it will only be a matter of weeks before the rest are gathered up. This is a fortunate turn of events, and _we’ve had precious little to celebrate for eleven years_.”  
  
“But not for everyone. There is still work to be done; Merlin knows how much Poppy and other healers have on their hands. And there were still costs, Albus. Lily and James, they’re… they’re,” Minerva started, but stopped as her throat chocked up.

She swallowed as if that might keep the tears welling up in her eyes from falling out, but it was no use. Even hours after learning of the news that Lily and James had been murdered, it felt like Albus had told her only a minute ago. She still could hardly believe that she would never again receive another letter from Lily asking for guidance, or another family photo from James. Though the cloak she wore was enchanted to keep her warm against even the harshest chills of winter, Minerva felt as if the cool November breeze was passing straight through her.   
  
When Albus started patting her on the shoulder, she looked up at him, startled. No tears were in his eyes, and only the hint of a frown was on his face. Minerva couldn’t help but wonder if that frown was natural, or if it was forced, as she couldn’t discern any other trace of sadness on his face. And for a moment, she wanted to take a step back, removing his hand from her shoulder. But instead, she took a deep breath, trying to steel herself as he said, heavily, “ _I know… I know…_ ”  
  
“And their daughter, Marigold, that poor child… What’s going to happen to her?” Minerva asked, her voice betraying her as it quivered.   
  
“Why, Professor McGonagall, I thought I had already told you. _I’ve come to bring Marigold to her aunt and uncle. They’re the only family she has left now_.”  
  
If Minerva was not already aware of Dumbledore’s intentions, her jaw might have dropped right then and there. But instead, she began furiously shaking her head, the anger she had been holding in seeping out faster than she realized. 

“ _Dumbledore - you can’t. I’ve been watching them all day. You couldn’t find two people who are less like us._ There’s a reason why both Lily and James elected not to include either of their siblings on their will, and even if it turns out that they were mistaken about Eliza, my observations from today tell me that they were right to exclude Petunia and her family. I know that if we were to leave Marigold here, nothing good would come of it,” McGonagall argued, only pausing when she realized that she had started to raise her voice. 

The last thing she needed was to completely lose her calm. Not only might that catch the attention of some of the residents on Privet Drive, but it might also give Dumbledore an advantage in this argument. In most matters, she respected and supported his decisions. But this issue had a girl’s future at stake, and she would not let the results of poor judgment and a high temper cause the girl to suffer her entire childhood. After taking another breath, she added, “Besides, surely you cannot insist that this is the only family that she has left. Even ignoring James’ immediate family, the Tonks family would be a much better alternative to the Dursleys, and better yet, they’re actually included in the will.” 

The frown and the sudden dull look in Dumbledore’s eyes almost made Minerva smile. But just as it seemed that reason had finally struck Dumbledore, he instead double-downed. His voice was firm when he argued, “ _It’s the best place for her. Her aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to her when she’s older. I’ve written them a letter_.”  
  
“ _A letter_?” Minerva echoed, her jaw actually dropping now. How in Merlin’s name could he possibly think that a letter would be at all sufficient to secure a child’s future? If this was anybody else, Minerva knew that she would have lost all respect for the other party right then. But as it was, she had always known that there was something… off about Dumbledore. And could she really blame him? He was so great, noble even, in other regards, but people never had been his forte. As it was, she still was not sure how many friends the man truly had. Admirers and enemies, plenty of both, certainly. But people he could truly connect with beyond superficial measures? That remained a mystery to her. 

Maybe he truly thought a letter would be sufficient enough. Minerva sighed as the anger that had been building up inside her slowly dissipated.   
  
“Albus, a letter isn’t enough to make sure that a child is well cared for. Would you feel comfortable leaving a child under the care of those who truly hated everything about her - everything that made her who she is? Especially when it goes against the wishes of her parents, who bravely gave their lives for her?”   
  
This time, Minerva could see that she clearly got through to him. “I must admit that I had not considered the matter from this perspective. Perhaps you’re right… Perhaps she would be better off somewhere else…”  
  
Minerva nodded, a sad, small smile forming on her face. Her heart was still aching at the loss of Lily and James, but if she could ensure that Marigold would grow up loved and cared for, then she could ensure that their sacrifice would not have been in vain. 

“But this does not alleviate all of my concerns, Minerva. If she were to grow up in the muggle world, she might not receive the love that she deserves, but perhaps she would receive a normal childhood. But in our world, this would simply be impossible. In our world, she’ll be practically a legend. _Famous before she can walk and talk! Famous for something she won’t even remember! Can’t you see how much better off she’ll be, growing up away from all that until she’s ready to take it?_ ”

“Albus, do you honestly think that love should be sacrificed for normalcy? Or even for humility? Weren’t you the one who told me the truth about You-Know-Who, and how he grew up without love in his life? Think of what you’re saying,” Minerva said gently. Taking a look at Dumbledore, she noticed that his features were no longer as they had been. As his features folded down, Minerva wondered if his concern over fame had anything to do with what he had experienced when he was younger. And for a moment, she thought she was finally starting to understand where Dumbledore was coming from. But that would not be enough to change her argument. 

As the silence drew out between them, Minerva wasn’t sure if Dumbledore was going to try and argue with her again or not. But at last, he nodded. “You’re right. The risk is simply too great to leave her here. Minerva, I think it’s best if we leave the issue of Marigold’s upbringing in your hands.” 

Minerva hardly had time to nod before Dumbledore had Disapparated off of the street. Alone on the dark street, Minerva began thinking through her options. Remus Lupin was the first option, and as the child’s godfather, one of the better options logistically. Yes, he was young, but no younger than the Potters had been. Assuming guardianship would certainly not be easy, but Minerva had no doubt that with time, he would become a compassionate guide for young Marigold. And to her knowledge, he would not have to be alone in this process. His father, Lyall, was still alive and could easily provide guidance. And Minerva would be more than happy to help when and where she could, having acted as a mentor for plenty of students now. 

But as with all of the remaining options, there were a couple of glaring issues. The first was that no one had heard from the young man in months. Minerva could only assume that he had been sent on some mission by Dumbledore; for all she knew, he could have been dead. But given that there was also little discussion of him, and news of death traveled quickly, it was unlikely that he was dead. But that still left his location unknown, and his status questionable. 

Then, of course, was the unfortunate fact that Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Though there were not many people who were aware of this fact, his condition still created some complications as to what should be done during his transformations. Minerva knew, of course, that it was extremely unlikely that Remus would ever intentionally hurt anyone, but on the night of a full moon, well, Remus wasn’t in charge of what happened. 

But just as she had known about his condition, she had no doubt that Lily and James were also aware of this fact. And she could not ignore the fact that they had trusted him enough to make him the child’s godfather, and that they had still wanted him to be her guardian in the case of their deaths. Minerva was sure that there were plenty of solutions that could be worked out for when Remus turned, and if it came down to it, she and Poppy would eagerly watch over Marigold once a month for the rest of her life if it meant that the girl wouldn’t be forced to live with the Dursleys.

Another strong contender was the Tonks family. She wasn’t sure how close the Tonks and the Potters had been - she had seen them at the wedding, but Minerva had not seen James interacting with anyone in the Black family aside from Sirius during his time at Hogwarts. And being that they already had a daughter of their own, she imagined the transition would be much smoother than with other potential guardians for the girl. 

The biggest obstacle Minerva saw in this was that the Tonks were one of the last options the Potters had selected. The unknown statuses of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black could lead to a disastrous custody battle were either to try and contest for guardianship, which would, in turn, put an even bigger spotlight on Marigold. Though Minerva didn’t share the same reservations about the girl’s status within the wizarding world as Dumbledore had, she had to admit that it would not be particularly healthy for the girl if the press were to report on her every action. And given how much attention the Tonks had generated ever since their marriage, she imagined that the press would never stop reporting on this family were the youngest heroine in wizarding history to join them. 

And then there was Sirius Black - not that she should have been considering him at this point. Even before the events of the previous night, Minerva would have had many reservations about him. As a student, he had been much too unruly, arrogant, and even, at times, cruel, in his actions. And while she had seen how James and Remus had matured in the little she had seen of those two in recent years, she could not say the same for Sirius. He had changed, yes, but not completely for the better. There was a hatred within him, with deep roots, that had started to emerge even before the war turned for the worse. While she didn’t think that he would ever try to hurt the child, he had become increasingly unpredictable lately, and Minerva wasn’t sure which way Marigold’s life would turn were she to be left in his care. 

Of course, there was the other argument, the one that made the Dursleys look like guardian angels in comparison. But Minerva could hardly bring herself to swallow that particular pill, even if all of the signs pointed to it. Even if the whispers that had started to circle around held it as true as they held Voldemort’s demise. Because even with all of Sirius’s negative qualities, she just could not stomach that he would have been driven to such heinous actions. Yet, she could also not deny that the Potters had been betrayed. The signs were obvious yet impossible. 

She had known him; he wouldn’t have done this. 

She had known him, yet the impossible had happened. 

She had known him, but, perhaps, she didn’t know him anymore. 

The sudden roar of a motorbike barely captured her attention. It had only been when she realized that the motorbike was flying toward her that her bearings came back to her, however. And for a brief moment, Minerva shook as she thought Sirius Black had descended from the sky in order to demand custody of Marigold. Instead, it had been Hagrid’s voice that broke the silence of the night. 

“Where’s Dumbledore? Thought it was he wantin’ us to meet ‘ere?” Hagrid asked as he got off the bike. As she saw the bundle of blankets he carried, Minerva had to stop herself from running over to him and snatching them away from him. Instead, she peered carefully at the bike, frowning. 

“He left shortly before you got here. There’s been a change of plans. But Hagrid, why did you bring her here on that?” Minerva said, gesturing to the bike. 

“ _Young Sirius Black lent it to me_. He was outside of the house when I got there, holdin’ little Marigold. He wouldn’ let go a’ first, but he finally did after I mentioned Dumbledore. He just told me ter make sure I got her here safe an’ all before runnin’ off.”

Minerva stared at him, a thousand thoughts flying in her mind, but after a moment, she finally nodded. She could deliberate over what this meant later, but first, she needed to make sure that Marigold was safe. Immediately. 

“Thankfully, you both got here safely. Now I believe that it’s time I take over watching little Marigold. I think the trip to Hogwarts is much too long a trip for her on that motorbike,” Minerva said, holding her arms out expectingly. Hagrid obliged, and seconds later Minerva was peering down on the sleeping face of Marigold Potter. Wavy black hair was splayed across the girl’s forehead, but it failed to conceal the thin white lines branching off from the larger, jagged white lines that ran along the side of her otherwise brown face. Immediately, it reminded Minerva of lightning. Strong, powerful, deadly lightning. Was this a sign of the killing curse?

Minerva pinched her eyes closed before looking back at Hagrid. “If you will, please see if Poppy is able to meet me in Hogsmeade. I’m afraid that I’ll be away from Hogwarts for the remainder of the weekend.”

“Of course, Professor McGonagall, ma’am.” Hagrid climbed back on the motorbike with a quick nod at Minerva before taking off. Just as Hagrid revved the engine, Minerva pictured the home she shared with Poppy in Hogsmeade, as clear as if she were there at the moment. There was no time to spare - she needed to get in contact with Remus Lupin as soon as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this. One thing I really love about fanfiction is the potential to explore what-ifs, and I've always been drawn to the idea of what would happen if Harry had been raised by someone else. In this series, I wanted to explore what would change if Harry were to have been raised by Remus Lupin. There are a few other important differences, such as Harry being a girl (as indicated in this chapter), and Harry being of mixed descent racially, culturally, and religiously. These factors will have some influence in this fic, but will be less prominent here than in Fairest of All, which follows Marigold's point of view rather than Remus' (and Minerva's for the first chapter). For this particular fic, I want to establish what things are like before Marigold boards the Hogwarts Express for the first time.
> 
> Despite Remus being the main character for this, I wanted to do the first chapter from McGonagall's point of view, doing what she wanted to do at the beginning of Philosopher's Stone - making sure that the Dursley's stay as far away as possible from Lily and James' child. I thought it would be interesting to have McGonagall there to support Remus, as I always imagined that the two got along pretty well. I do apologize for the lack of Remus, Lyall, and Poppy in this chapter, though I do promise they will all appear in the next chapter.
> 
> This chapter is the closest that this particular fic will get to canon, as far as dialogue and events. Lines in italics are those that are direct quotations (or basically direct if you ignore name and pronoun changes). For all the fics in this series, I want to keep canon lines and scenes to a minimum, as it really irritates me when fanfics are largely copying and pasting what's already canon. None of the remaining chapters for this fic should feature any lines spoken in canon.
> 
> Finally, the chapter title comes from the song "Ain't No Sunshine," by Bill Withers.
> 
> That's all I got for now. Feel free to ask any questions or let me know how you feel or anything. Any review is appreciated.


	2. Chapter Two - Dust in the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains suicidal ideation and implications of suicide attempts. While I tried to avoid going into too much detail, implications can be overwhelming and triggering, so if you think that it will impact you, please either skip this chapter, or skip ahead to were a bear patronus shows up. I will also note that this is the only chapter that deals with those direct themes, though Remus’ grieving and depression will be discussed further in the story.

Remus was trapped in a dream. That was the lie he repeated to himself on that fateful morning, when he had woken up to a letter from Dumbledore. Before he had touched it, he could sense something was off. There had usually been some kind of cipher to Dumbledore’s letters, be it magical or mundane. But when he finally read it, the letter was perfectly plain, simple, even. At least, until Remus had finished the letter the first time. He read the lines over and over, but each new word forced the last one out. No matter how many times he read it, the content refused to stick. It must have been a trick of the mind. 

The popping of fireworks outside stirred Remus. Light pierced through from the open window, burning the shadows that covered him like a blanket. He slowly leaned forward to draw the open curtain close, but jerked his hand back before his fingers could grasp the cloth. Maybe a change of scenery would do his mind some good. 

Stepping outside to watch the fireworks was like stepping out of a cinema in the middle of the day. He had left the comfort of the dark, stepping into the bright mid-day world. For a moment, all he could see was the sun’s white light, looming over him, blinding him. There was a truth in that light, one that Remus was not ready to accept. Shielding his eyes, he instead tried focusing on the fireworks. 

A rainbow of colors burst through the sky before fading to dust in the wind. Patterns emerged in many of them, as they largely depicted different kinds of animals. Many were of the non-magical variety, with cats, dogs, and birds being common. There were also the dragons, unicorns, and even a single phoenix that burst into the sky, and Remus wondered if wizards were behind this, sending up flares in the shape of their patronuses. But no matter how many fireworks filled the sky, or how many owls flew overhead, he always noticed the fireworks in the shape of flowers. He had confused them for white clouds and ordinary yellow and orange fireworks at first, but when he saw the shape of a pink lily, it was undeniably flowers. There were only a few that resembled lilies, but the orange and yellow flowers - marigolds, he had finally realized - filled the sky like a field. Lilies and marigolds, the two sole flowers in the sky. Lily and Marigold… 

Remus peeled his eyes away from the sky. The colors had begun to swirl together in a great blur, and it hurt to look at. He looked back at his cottage, or what he thought was his cottage. It was just a brown blob, really, and maybe it was nothing. He wasn’t really able to make out anything at that moment, aside from the twisting of his heart from within his chest. He tried wiping at his eyes, his hands slick from tears as his arms feel limply at his sides. It did not take long for him to fall to his knees. 

The Potters were dead. He could tell himself a thousand lies, he could make up a thousand excuses. But he had felt that sense of dread that was eating away inside of him. No dream, no delusion he built up for himself would be enough to overpower the truth within his heart. No force on Earth could change that heart-shattering fact. 

The sobs forced their way out of him after that. His arms clawed at his chest, shredding anything he could until he collapsed on the ground. He had undergone hundreds of transformations into a werewolf, each more agonizing than the last. He felt bones, skin, and muscles stretched and thinned until to the point that his body should have broken into a thousand pieces, only for it all to crash back together in a pain like having his body slam against the ground from a seven-story fall. But if Remus had a choice, he would trade the pain he was feeling for a thousand more transformations. His body could heal, and it was only a temporary form, regardless. But the hole forming in his soul was something that he was certain would never heal, and that pain would remain with him, always. 

For a brief moment, Remus wondered if Sirius knew yet. He wondered if his ex was just as desolate as he was, if he could even process anything. And then it hit him, that other hideous truth, like a bullet. Of course Sirius had to know. He had been the Secret-Keeper. The reason that the Potters were dead - murdered. 

Rain crashed down, scalding him with each drop as his world turned dark. What would he have given, if the rain could melt him down, reduce him into nothing more than dust? Why was he even still alive? To be cursed, a condemned outcast no matter where he turned? To walk around as a hollow shell, without feeling, without purpose, without dreams? Ghosts were more alive than he was. 

His friends and family had helped make things more bearable, but they were gone now, one way or another. He had not talked with Peter in months, and his family for over a year. Even before the war, he had distanced himself from those he cared about while he was still in school. James and Lily had noticed, refused to let him drift away as he so desperately wanted. But life happened, and then the war happened, and Remus had his escape. He had reasoned that it would hurt less for everyone, this way, if he didn’t stick around. That if something were to happen to anyone, he could still go on. 

Oh, how very, very wrong he had been. 

Remus reached into his pocket, his eyes squeezed shut. But his hand came up empty. His stomach lurched as it dawned on him what he had wanted to do. What he might have attempted had he had his wand on him. It was deplorable. Pathetic. Cowardly. He hated himself for still existing, hated that he wanted to die, hated that he couldn’t make up his mind. 

Numbness festered within him and around him. It was cruel, living in a world with nothing to live for. But his life was not his own, Remus reminded himself. No. And there was still work to be done. The type of work that Lily and James would have done, were they in his place. He still had a functioning body and mind. He could never stay in one place too long, but this was nothing new. At least he could still do something. 

Opening his eyes again, Remus saw a pale blue figure shaped like a bear shining above him. A patronus. As it came closer, the rain around him softened, feeling cool to the touch now rather than burning hot. The thoughts that had been raging in his head came to a momentary lull. If he reached out, moved toward the light, he might have even felt something. But before he could begin to escape from the abyss he had dug for himself, the light had disappeared. He was not alone, however. 

“Remus?” Hearing his name was like reliving a long forgotten memory. He closed his eyes, conjuring up his childhood bedroom in his mind. He could almost hear the sizzling of eggs and his mother’s laughter when his fathers arms wrapped around him, constricting him. Unable to move, he was lifted from the ground like a doll, his limbs dangling as his father cradled him and stroked his hair. It was only when his father started sobbing against his chest that Remus realized what the man was thinking. 

“I’m alive,” Remus croaked out in a soft voice. As his father lifted his head, freeing the weight pushing against him, Remus tried to clear his throat. “I’m alive.”

The words rang hollow when he said them, barely able to conceal the lie hidden inside. Remus didn’t feel alive. His body felt distant and heavy, an anchor in a deep sea. 

“My heart almost gave out at the sight of you,” his father sobbed. Remus might have felt guilt, at the moment, if he could have felt. But whatever feelings of guilt had been carved out of him, discarded with the rest of him in an incomprehensible mess. It would take too long to put all of the pieces back together. “I’ve been fearing that any day they would come to me with condolences.”

Remus did not respond to that. He knew any answer he could give would just break his father’s heart. They had both suffered enough as was. But sitting in silence in the rain was not why his father had come to him. He was a busy and practical man, and he doubted that his father would come to him without a purpose. 

“Why are you here?” Remus asked after a few moments.

“I wrote to you as soon as I found out about the Potters. I didn’t expect a response, but I got worried when my owl did not make a return trip. And then I received word from one of your old professors asking for you.”

“Who?” Remus purposefully ignored the first part of the comment, unable to say anything at the moment. He needed to keep himself together, first. 

“Minerva McGonagall - she was your old head of house, right? She had flooed me earlier, asking me to try and find you. She insisted it was urgent. But I think she would understand that you need some time to-”

“No.” To both his surprise, and his father’s, Remus got up. Each movement was hell, and he wanted to crumble back to the ground, but he refused to let himself fall. “She isn’t the sort to exaggerate, so if she says it’s urgent I believe her. As they say, life goes on.”

Remus avoided looking at his father, not wanting to see that look in his eyes he knew would be there. 

After a sigh, his father told him that she had waned to meet in Hogsmeade. A minute later, they were both there, fully intact. But that did not prevent Remus from vomiting out the entire contents of his stomach. The smell alone almost made him sick again, but his father wordlessly cleaned it away. Instead, the smell of alcohol and gun powder clung to the air. Laughter burst somewhere behind him, along with the suggestion that he’d had a bit too much. Remus wasn’t sure if fire-whiskey would make him numb, or if it would deepen the pain he was feeling. But he had a mission, and he would not let any temptations stop him from making his destination. 

Making it to Minerva McGonagall’s house was definitely more of a struggle than it should have been. He had never seen Hogsmeade bristling with people this way, but he had to fight for each step he made, breaking through the throngs of people that tried to swallow him alive. Without his wand, he was dependent on his father to lead the way, in the hopes of avoiding picking a fight with an armed and drunken wizard. If it had not been for Poppy Pomfrey, though, the two might have been stuck walking for hours. 

Remus wasn’t sure what he had expected when he stepped inside. Perhaps he had thought Dumbledore would be there, or someone else from the Order, waiting for him with some top secret mission. He was there for some sort of interrogation. But Minerva barely acknowledge him as he walked into the dusty living room. Instead, she was murmuring something, which only struck him because he had only known her to speak clearly. With a closer look, he realized that she was holding a child swaddled in blankets. 

“I didn’t know you and Minerva had a child,” Remus whispered. Poppy let out a soft laugh before shaking her head. It had been a long time sense he heard that laugh, and it reminded him of the days after a full moon, when she would sit with him, doing whatever she could to help take his mind off of the agony of resettling bones and muscles that could never quite sort themselves out, regardless of his form. He had not realized how much he had missed that laugh.

“Oh, I think we are much too busy to be able to properly raise a child, though we had considered it before the war. No, no, she’s only been her for a few hours, and we expect that she’ll be leaving fairly soon. But now that we’ve met her, I do hope that she might make the occasional visit.” Poppy offered him a kind smile. Remus tilted his head, trying to figure out what she meant, but he was coming up empty. 

“Hopefully her parents will let her stay over, then,” Remus replied in a cautious tone. The smile dissipated into a frown as she looked over at the baby. She shook her head with a sigh. And as he looked over at the child, Remus felt a pang in his heart that he didn’t know he was able to. He had let himself forget the full extent of horror manifested by the war, and that countless others had all suffered similar losses. 

“Perhaps I should let Minerva take it from here. If you’d like, I could make you both a cuppa, with a chocolate biscuit for you Remus?” Poppy asked, already slipping back into her role as a nurse. Remus nodded numbly before she disappeared into the flat’s kitchen. 

Turning his attention back to Minerva, Remus noticed the faintest smile on her face. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his old professor smiling, and wasn’t even sure if he could have imagined it on his own. But he was not surprised to see the woman displaying tenderness around a child. While she was known for her sternness, it was no secret that she had a big and caring heart. No matter how tired or worn out she had been, she did her best to leave her door open for a student in need. Looking after others was just in her nature. It made sense that she would want to help another person. 

The girl was another story. It was hard to see her at first, with candles providing the only light. Her breathing sounded like she was asleep, though. It had only dawned on him that he was no longer hearing anything from outside, though he was sure that witches and wizards were still celebrating all around him. As she slept, he couldn’t help but examine how her face scrunched up. The way her nose twitched, it looked all too familiar. It was the same face he would see on James all of those nights that Remus woke up suddenly in a cold sweat. And that slight frown - it reminded him so much of Lily and her quiet worrying. 

Remus blinked. Shaking his head slightly, he closed his eyes tightly. He was projecting now. Imagining their characteristics in a child because he there was some deep, hidden part of him that could still hope. But Dumbledore’s letter had made it clear that the Potters were gone. How could it be possible that this was his goddaughter sitting in front of him. 

Opening his eyes, he couldn’t help but see more similarities: the way her dark hair sprang out from the blankets, the way her hands sought to cling onto someone else. He didn’t want to believe, couldn’t handle it if this was another trick his mind was playing on him. But he so desperately wanted this to be real at the same time. He could feel his heart clanging away in his chest. He needed to know, one way or the other. 

“Marigold?” he whispered, his voice lifting in betrayal.

“She’s a little miracle,” Minerva replied. At that moment, something released within Remus, as tears flowed out of him once more. 

Marigold was alive! His goddaughter had survived, and it truly was nothing short of a miracle. The world still felt so dark, so cold, but everything felt less dim, in that moment. His heart was still broken, but it was still there. Unable to fully believe that this all was real, however, he turned his head to his father, as if he might hold all of the answers he was searching for. 

“It’s okay,” his father said. His voice was gentle and steady, reassuring. 

Remus slowly stood up and walked over to Minerva. She stood up slowly, not wanting to jostle Marigold too much, before gently placing the girl in his arms. He could hardly believe how small she was, even at fifteen months. As he begun rocking her in place, he clutched her closer to him. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her, how much he had missed everyone, until this morning. 

“So, she’s why you called me here,” Remus concluded. Minerva’s nod of confirmation helped answer one question, but it also opened up others. “Are you sure I’m really the best option?” 

“Yes, just as Lily and James were. I refused to let Dumbledore disrespect their wishes by leaving her with the Dursleys.” Minerva shook her head in disgust as Remus froze. The Dursleys? What could possibly convince Dumbledore that that was a good idea? Minerva seemed to guess what his shock stimulated from, because she added, “Those were my thoughts on the matter as well. Albus is great in many respects, but more domestic matters were never his forte.” 

Remus nodded as Poppy returned from the kitchen with a tray full of tea cups and biscuits. Remus’ cup went untouched, though he wasn’t sure if he would have had any even if he hadn’t been holding Marigold. It was difficult to think of anything, much less imagine that he was to become Marigold’s guardian. He knew he had agreed to it, were anything to happen. He remembered the lengthy debates he exchanged with Lily about his suitability to be a godfather even before Marigold was born. He only gave in because he had believed that Sirius would be with him were anything to happen to them, and that they would outlast him at any rate. Remus never was the best at divination, though.

Remus stared down at this sleeping goddaughter. He really shouldn’t be doing this. Sure, he wouldn’t have picked the Dursleys as his first choice, but it wasn’t like James and Lily didn’t have other family. But then, they had known that, and they had still chosen him. There hadn’t been anything that Lily and James didn’t know about him when they made their decision, and he knew that it was a hard decision for them. They had both had a different first pick, and the only compromise had been that Lily could choose if the baby was a girl, and James if the baby was a boy. Maybe things would have been different if James had gotten his choice of Sirius as the godfather. Maybe they would still be alive now, maybe Sirius wouldn’t have betrayed them all like that. But Marigold was alone now, and it was up to Remus now to make sure that she was okay. 

He couldn’t let go of her. Not so easily, not again. Not after she was all that was left of his dearest friends, and that he was what was left from her parents. They had both lost the people they cared most about, both removed from the rest of the world around them. He couldn’t abandon her, and he would not let Lily and James down. Not again. 

“I’ll take care of her. I’ll raise her,” Remus promised. It was a promise to himself, to Minerva, Poppy, and his father, and to Marigold. He would make sure that she was well cared for and loved, even if it took everything within him to do so. And it would, it would take everything he had in him, and then some, to even attempt being a suitable guardian for her. “But I can’t do it alone.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading this story. This chapter was definitely a lot harder to write than the first, but I thought that glossing over his grief wouldn't be right, which is why the next chapter will also go into how he feels once he's actually started to process it fully. And then there's Remus' depression, which isn't explicit in the series, but it is part of my head-canon based off of his actions and the way I interpret his character. A few of the paragraphs ended up hitting a little too close to home, but sometimes things can be harsher than we want them to be. 
> 
> As for the rest of the story, this chapter will probably end up having the most angst, though the next chapter isn't exactly going to be fluff. That will be the last part of the story. You can expect a couple more characters to appear, however. As a side note, I think I might have underestimated how many chapters this fit would need, but I’ll see if I can somehow manage to fit everything I want in the five chapters or not. 
> 
> I’m going to start reworking my other story while writing the remaining chapters, that way I can start posting that immediately when this is done. I still plan to update this roughly weekly, however. 
> 
> Finally, please feel free to let me know what you think. It really does help, for good and for bad. I hope you were able to enjoy this chapter, and I'll post again soon. Thanks.


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